Water, Water Everywhere!

Today we had the pleasure of attending Stan and Linda's wonderful water program at Corinth Library. The program incorporated songs and storytelling that taught about water..from the three forms, the water cycle, aquifers and rain dances. All done through whimsy, fun and music. It was both fun, educational and interactive! The boys felt special knowing the presenters! It was fun to look over and see the boys singing and moving along with the songs they already knew (and the new songs) and Sophie clapping, along with the other 60 some participants!

Sophie at the bottom of picture.

A girl's gotta have what a girl's gotta have....

Mom put these shoes on me at Target. Then Mom took the shoes off. I cried. Mom put the shoes back on. I stopped crying. I wore the shoes home. Mom thought they were very cute.

(She was gesturing for me to let her have my keys.)

Mom put this hat on me. Then mom took the hat off. I cried. Mom put the hat back on. I stopped crying. I wore it through the entire store. I wore it home. Mom figured if I left it on she would get it because it is 50SPF sunblocked. It's a necessity. Plus, it's pink.

(Normally the hat goes down over her eyes but I put it up so we could see her eyes for the picture.)

Nine, Six, One

I missed blogging about the kids birthdays so you will be getting a three-in-one!
When I started thinking about how our family celebrates birthdays I realized that we have some very strong traditions, infused from our upbringing and some new ones of our own. Becky Bailey, a child devleopment/behavior guru says that traditions are rituals... a ritual's goal is to help people make connections with one another. Rituals are sacred spaces designated for togetherness and unity. Rituals help us to feel calm, focused, and help to build trust. They make our family be our family.

Here are some of our birthday traditions.
~The night before we hang each child's personalized "Happy Birthday" sign so they are greeted by it when they wake up.
~We always give homemade cards.
~The kids always get to open one present in the morning.
~Josh takes the day off from work on their birthdays (as do I if I don't already have it off).
~The bday person gets to pick what they want as their special bday breakfast and we sing happy birthday at breakfast and the bday person gets to blow out a candle that is placed in their breakfast of choice.
~Once you are about 4 or 5 you get - three birthday celebrations -one on the actual day, one with friends and one with family. (When younger - friends and family party is combined.)
~We now have a special bday bowl that the bday person gets to use for their piece of cake.
~Of course the birthday person gets to choose the activities for the day and where we eat.
~We try to watch each child's "birth video" or at least tell the story of the day they were born. Each of those days is a sacred memory that I remember very clearly, up to what Josh and I were wearing. I mean isn't it fun to hear stories about yourself over and over again?!
~We are starting a new tradition that each birthday earns you a new privelage and a new responsibilty. ie. you get to stay up later but now you are repsponsible for taking out the trash :)

Happy birthday to my three babies! Nine, Six and One! Where does the time go?!

Breaking News: Broken Table Leads to Complete Parenting Overhaul

I am usually pretty good at spotting a "helicopter parent". You know the one, the one following their child around outside, coat in hand, pleading : Please put your coat on, you're going to catch a cold. Child: NO! Parent: Oh come on please put your coat on, you're going to get cold.

I was familiarized with this term when I read my first Love and Logic book by Jim Faye when I was teaching, before I had children. Then I was reintroduced when Josh and I took a Love and Logic course when Keegan was 2. Not to mention that I visit this topic WEEKLY with my families that I see for work. THEN WHY SO HARD WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR OWN CHILDREN?

Here are the basics of Love and Logic:

Definition of Love and Logic in Parenting -
Love – Means maintaining a healthy relationship and empowering your child to make their own mistakes.
Logic- Understanding that kids can solve their own problems and as parents we will not bail them out, they have the power to solve problems on their own. When parenting with love and logic you do not have to own your child's problems, it takes away the threats, anger and lecturing.
The book defines 5 parenting types and how they help or hinder child's development:
Helicopter Parent – the parent that will not allow their child to fail
The Jet Powered Attack Model Parent – This parent is obsessed with creating the perfect child therefore prevents any kind of self development.
Drill Sergeant Parent – Teaches the child they cannot think for themselves and dictates what the child will do.
The Laissez-Faire Parent – Allows the child to parent themselves.
The Consultant Parent – This is the parenting style is best suited for teens. A parent that gives advice and does not dictate and does not give orders.

Well I guess the saying its true, when you spot it, you got it! I was so good at recognizing these parenting traits in others that I have overlooked some of these parenting traits in myself.

I will first give myself credit before I tear myself apart! I stand firm on many things that put me into the NON-helicopter parent role, such things as I do not bring lunch to school when forgotten and that goes for homework too. I do not overly coddle when they are hurt, if it was a bad judgement on their part.

But there are MANY things that I do that fall into each one of the listed 5 categories. When I just let Josh know of my knowing that I can be a helicopter/drill sargent parent - he let me know that he was well aware of this but I just do it because I care.

This Love and Logic parenting looks very different when you have a toddler, a preschooler and an elementary age child and I can only imagine how different it will look when we have teenage children and even more so when we have adult children.


Why is it so hard to think of logical consequences rather than punishing, not get angry, not lecture and not give empty threats? It actually would make things much easier to do things the other way.

The event that sparked all this thought was tonight the kids were playing downstairs by themselves (Sophia napping) while I was blogging...I heard a big crash, then Keegan came up and asked me to promise not to be mad? 9That's never a good start to a sentence.) but he climbed or leaned on the red table downstairs and it crashed to the ground. I was upset. Upset that the nice table my mother had bought Keegan on his second Christmas was demolished and angry that we have to remind our kids of the same rules over and over again. But you know what? I am also happy that his actions produced a natural consequence - the table broke and he was a little hurt. Then we gave a logical consequence that he will pay to replace the broken table. I must add that one of the chairs were also broken by Sam at another time (Guess we'll be making Sam pay for that one). I am still angry as I type but I am also happy that a learning opportunity occurred for both myself and the kids.

It made me think of little things I do that don't allow the children to fail or have logical consequences...
Reminding them over and over again that they need to come have dinner - I mean my gosh they might starve or I will have to make them something later and then they will whine and all this work Ive put into making dinner was completely wasted. - as I type this it seems so obvious - DUH they don't come to dinner, their dinner goes into the trash and they do not eat. I'm sure one (maybe two for our stubborn children) times of this and I'm almost positive that they will come to dinner the first time. Why do I spend my time whining, pleading, yelling?

I am having such an epiphany - I have had all this knowledge -and utilized it only in certain situations - I must utilize it in ALL situations.

I am making it my goal to utilize this wonderful information that I have stored in my brain about using Love and Logic. I am constantly shifting between all the parenting styles...but I am committing to the cyber-world that I am dedicated to being a consultant parent. It is my gift to myself and to our children. Remember the inconvenience, uncomfortableness, or pain they will feel now is much less than what they will feel as teenagers or adults if they are not allowed to learn from mistakes now. Please help me, dear God. I hope it's not too late. :)

Grandma Yvonne and Papa Skip help celebrate Sam's bday

Thanks for coming to visit us, bringing Sam the many special gifts and taking us all out to Red Lobster - Sam's choice! We always have such a great time when you come!

Three Cheers for Sophie!

Sophia is very proud of herself when she does something that we think is grand she has learned this mostly because her brothers show so much excitement over new things she does. The latest victory has been standing for a few seconds unassisted. In this video she doesn't actually display this "trick" but you can hear her cheering for herself and her brothers cheering in the background. She's also practicing how to color on paper and not eat the crayon. (Turn the music on blog off by scrolling to the very bottom and clicking on the big circle with two line which is the pause button.)

Happy Father's Day!

This father is the kind of dad....

That never judges you. That you can never disappoint. That only makes you feel like he is proud of you. That laughs at funny things you do. That makes you laugh. That models how to let things roll off your shoulders (not to sweat the small stuff). That reads you quality literature (A.A. Milne for example). That teaches you about art, music by doing and showing and teaches you about the world through storytelling. That shows you he has really paid attention to detail by having a memory like no other to share funny anecdotes from when you were a kid. And that keeps every picture you have drawn for him and displpays every small trinket you have given him in his office.

This father is the kind of dad...

That you want to coach your kids sports team. That you want there when you are hurt. That knows the importance of quality time. That checks on you every night before he goes to sleep. That subtly teaches life lessons to his children by weaving them into daily activities. That is relentless when it comes to being involved with every aspect of his childrens' lives even when it means going with little sleep or putting his own interests aside. That not only doesn't have a problem with but can do these things with his eyes closed (and well): help with homework, make dinner, give baths and do bedtime all on his own. And that pulls his whole Kit n' Caboodle around the block in horrid humidity because you want him to and he'll be happy to show off his three cuties.

Blueberries - The Whole Story

So, we went to The Berry Patch yesterday to pick us some berries. We like blueberries but we don't loooove blueberries but thought it would be a fun experience none-the-less. It's about a half hour drive south of the city. The ride there was uneventful and I thought to myself, well that was a fine drive, we found it easily and it didn't take too long. I guess I jinxed myself because the rest of the events made for a bit of a frustrating morning!

We familiarized ourselves with just how to pick berries and determine their ripeness and tied twine around the kids mid areas to hold up their buckets, thinking the buckets may get heavy from loading them so full of ALL the berries we were going to get. I had thoughts of freezing them and making jam and pancakes and smoothies and muffins! I told the kids they couldn't fill them more than half full. You pay by the pound and I didn't want to end up spending $25 on blueberries.

We walked out in the 95 degree heat to Patch 3 which was posted as "open". The boys happily started picking then after about 5 minutes Sophia and I found reprieve under the one shade tree when I realized my shoe had broken and was unwearable. I was wearing my 15 year old Birkies and the heat had made the glue, that held the straps to the sole, lose its adhesiveness. Or maybe it was because they are 15 years old and I haven't worn them for the past 5? The boys picked eagerly and found walking sticks but were done after about 20 minutes and just hardly filled the bottom of their buckets. :) They were "too hot" but were still able play in the kid area on the shredded wheat! Imagine that?

One leg limping behind me, trying to keep my broken shoe on, so that I wouldn't have to walk with one bare foot on the rough gravel or accidentally step on a bee, was going to make for a long trip back to the house where you purchased your berries. So I threw the sweaty kids in the car in order to drive up to the house and borrowed Keegan's flip flops to go into the house/store.

That right there is called: improv. Improvisation is a key word in parenting or maneuvering having 3 kids out and about by yourself. I could write numerous stories, as any mom (or dad) could, about the rig em and roll we go through to juggle things. Like how to go the bathroom with a child that doesn't stand independently, how to carry your tray, diaper bag, baby, etc while at a buffet line, how to let two boys "go potty" when there is no "potty" in sight. If you are a mom (or dad), you know all too well these things of which I speak!

So we made it to the old blue store. I thought the counter outside right next to where I could park and have view of the car was where you paid for the berries. So because the kids were HOT and Keegan now didn't have any shoes, I left the car running with the kids in it, AC blasted and had Sam lock the doors. The ladies outside weighed our two puny bags of berries - .78 lbs @ 2.65/lb = $1.91 in berries. Keep in mind other people were literally carrying numerous buckets that had berries spilling out the tops! Then the lady says, " I will put these in Bin 21." Gave me my slip for $1.91. and says " You can pay for those inside." REALLY? I walked inside to a line that wrapped around the shelves and counter. Ugh, I couldn't leave my kids in the car by themselves. I almost thought about just forgetting the blueberries and calling it a day but thought that would not be kind to my "Little Berrypickers". So I went out to the car, grabbed Sophia and told the boys we're going in! and Keegan you'll just have to go in barefoot.

They each got about three times as much as this:

We waited in line for about 10 minutes, where they were also selling fresh, hot homemade blueberry treats and blueberry lemonade. We ordered 3 oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, a can of root beer and a can of Diet Rite- go figure! We made it to the cash register, our total was $6.o1 - (not even half of the total was for our darn berries). I was laughing to myself while we ate our very scrumptious warm, gooey cookies. As I maneuvered holding several things in my hands while putting Sophie in her car seat, I dropped my debit card on the ground and a made a mental note to pick it up after I fastened her in. And we were off. I write this about this account as though we weren't having fun or this was a-typical. Nope not at all. We had a great time and this is SO typical!

We were having fun until I realized about half way home when we stopped to get some much needed lunch at the drive-thru that I did not have my debit card. After barreling through diaper bags and purses searching for the card, it dawned on me that the "mental note" I had made about dropping my debit card on the ground, had gotten lost somewhere between answering young boys questions and getting a 14 month old her sippy cup of water. Ugh! I left it at The Berry Patch. I wasn't too frantic. Well, I was a little frantic. Even though in my right mind I knew the worst thing that would happen would be I would have to cancel the debit card and go 2 weeks until I got a new one in the mail. The problem is, I can not think about anything else at these times of uncertainity, my mind will only be focused on getting the problem resolved. Keegan reminded me of his dad at this moment...He kept me calm and stepped up to the plate. Both Sam and he offered to feed Sophia in her car seat while we drove. I called our bank to put a hold on the card. Unfortunatley was not able to reach a live person at The Berry Patch to confirm or deny that they had found a mastercard with the name Molly Slaughter. However, I did learn that "This week is the best week of picking so far despite the rain!" from their very friendly recorded message! Then we headed BACK to The Berry Patch. Well right after leaving Culver's because it was too expensive- as in the FOOD WAS NOT FREE (I did not have any cash). The boys let me use some of their quarters (made from their traveling lemonade stand) to buy *3*dollar items off the Wendy's value menu. Had to feed all of us. It was almost 2:00 by this point. Oops make that *4* dollar menu items, had to pull back around the drive thru to order a burger for Mama. Forgot to get myself something and low blood sugar mama doesn't deal with heat, loud chatty children, lost debit cards or anything for that matter with grace or poise.

I realized while heading back to The Berry Patch, I was low on gas, scratch that, rather I had reached my 300 mile limit. ( I really can go more miles than that but don't like to live on the edge.) Remember... my gas gauge does not work so I have to rely on my odometer. I had better find that debit card or we would either A) run out of gas in the middle of no where or B) I will need to borrow some more quarters from my little entrepreneurs.

So we got back to The Berry Patch, which if you need to know how to get there I know the way very well now, look around the ground where we were parked (everywhere except where one van was parked) and no debit card to be found. I asked a teen age employee if a debit card had been turned in. He told me the lost and found is behind me. I turned around to see two plastic tubs full of sandals, sunglasses, hair ties. I told him I didn't think some one would throw the debit card in there and could I leave my name and number. I did and went back out to the parking lot to scour the premises again. There it was! right next to the other van, white side face up, camouflage in the white gravel. Awwww I found it right where I had dropped it.

We headed back home, where I was able to stop at the gas station I saw the first time we had passed it that had gas for 14c cheaper a gallon than any where else. Well, that savings on gas made it worth all the trouble right there! Later in the evening we enjoyed the rest of our oatmeal chocolate chip cookies (not blueberry cobbler) after dinner and Sophia enjoyed some of the fresh berries. Boys had about two - I mean they don't like blueberries anyway!

It really was nothing, just another summer day. And do I still believe we will hit The Berry Patch again next year? Why yes! It got full reviews from these three here:

Taste Test:Lemon or Lime?

I think the results are easy to interpret!

Memories in the Making

5 Royals tickets (a deal found on craigslist)....$50

Nachos, hot dogs and funnel cakes...$35

A night with the family at the ballpark on a perfect evening....PRICELESS!

NOW THIS PICTURE IS PRICELESS...

Perfect Moments - I wrote this a couple of months (4-14-10) ago and never "published it".

Every now and then one of these perfect moments come along...its like one of the parts in a movie where they show different scenes set to music...

It happens when I take a deep breath, exhale and take time to pause and look around at all that surrounds me. It happened tonight, we had an impromptu McDonald's picnic at a school playground. Josh met us after work, the sun was setting, it was the perfect temperature, the boys were playing tag, Sophie eating and smiling in her stroller. Sam runs as fast as he can carry himself to Josh and yells, "Daddy!" with open arms. Keegan then yells "Mommy, Daddy, look at me!" I loved seeing Josh and Sam reunite after a long day and Keegan call us Mommy and Daddy. I treasure that he can get our attention in the same sentence as many children whose parents are not married can not. Sophia waves to Josh and smiles and laughs at the boys. Then as its time for me to leave to work, the boys call out "See ya Mom. Love ya." We were all together. All happy.

I looked at these four people and thought how did we get here, how did we make all this, how did I get so blessed.

I hope I can remember this tomorrow as the boys are arguing over which seat they get in the car. Or when one of the dogs pees on the carpet. Or when orange juice spills.

I think I need to carry a picture around to remind me of these perfect moments.

The Man Behind the Scenes

So everyone says the mom is the glue of the family...think again.


This man....

has got skillz!

(This is not his usual "work around the house attire", it would typically be basketball shorts and an old tshirt and flip flops, but he cleans up well, doesn't he?)

Exhibit A....






Exhibit B...


Exhibit C...
These are just a few of the examples of how my man keeps things running smoothly and looking good.


Our house looks good, because of him. Our cars run well, because of him. Our yard looks exquisite, because of him. The kids and I are able to spend summer days together, because of him.


Thanks for making my life easier.


(Oh and for the record...the van doors get locked every night, because of him. Where's your taperecoder now Josh?)

Sophia's First Words

She is 13 months and 20 days....this stage in communication is so fun! Sophia is communicating very well, she uses gestures, facial expressions, shakes her head no, points, signs the word "more" and is saying several words.

Here is the list for expressive language:

night night

bye-bye

hi

hello

dog

makes the moo sound when asked What does a cow say?

The list for receptive language is too long but here are some things she understands:

Blow a kiss, give a kiss

Pat a cake, If you're happy and you know it, Peek-a-boo

Where is ....Keegan, Sam, Daddy, Belle, Mommy, the ball,
Want to eat? Want a drink?

Throw the ball

The form of communication she uses the most and has been for a few months now is: waving. She waves to EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. It is so sweet - she sticks that chuby little arm way up high and just moves her wrist up and down. She will continue waving to strangers, sometimes saying hi along with it, until they say hi back to her. Then she gives them the shy look by laying head to one side.

Her little personality is shining through!